(Meant to post this Thursday or Friday but you know how that went.)
You won't hear it anywhere else - thanks to the international wolverine conspiracy - but as a certified Maize and Blue blood, you're required to sign a pact in blood requiring you to look down your nose at everything from East Lansing. Michigan State is the state's premier clown college, after all. For whatever reason, they just can't compete with Big Blue. Probably because they spend all their time looking at all those comic books in what passes for their libary.
Well, maybe not for long. Those dastardly Spartans have launched the greatest scheme to weaken a Michigan man's water since the introduction of chlorination. They're going to scan those comics and put them online.
Our only hope is that this is a Google initiative and Larry Page, co-founder of Google is a fellow champion of the west. Surely he won't let this stand. Surely he'll save our beloved school. Of course...where is Page from? Quick little google fu here and...no, this can't be. Lansing. Oh my god, he's a plant! A plant! Google maps is people! Google maps is PEOPLE!!!!
(Dance around the sombrero to Mr. Church.)