Ain't Nothing So Scary as an Angry Nerd

I'm still mad and frightened in roughly equal amounts that someone was threatening Mr. Church. As the saying goes, remember what Old Dirty said. Nobody steps to my homies like that.

Do people still say homies? No? Okay, well, I'm horridly white then...

But, seriously, someone's been sending hate-filled threatening mailings to the same person who gives away 3,500 odd comics in an afternoon. There's a disconnect somewhere and I think it's right in the middle of that stalker's brain.

Unfortunately, the price of airline tickets will likely keep me away from MOCCA but I like to imagine that Mr. Church will be constantly surrounded by a large posse of burly, imposing men. Men who find employment as linemen and bouncers. Men who are only recently out on parole. Men who blot out the sun with their attitudes. I believe it would look something like this:.

(Okay, so I should have photoshopped something. Probably starting with that Bruce Willis flick and slowly and painstakingly layering and wrapping text so it looked convincing. Then matting a new, zany background. But a) I suck at that. And b) that was the first picture that turned up in an image search for “bouncers”. I don't scoff at karma like that.)

At the very least he should be cocooned in a slightly awkward shell of supportive and concerned nerds. Following him wherever he goes. Up to and including awkward bathroom situations (“Um, guys? Could I get the stall to myself here?”) As I said, I'm going to have to bow out of the opportunity this time around but if he's ever in my neck of the woods, he wouldn't have to ask me to protect his back twice.