Things I've Learned Today

I really shouldn't be around large amounts of sweets when I'm depressed. Had a better than expected turnout last night but I still bought way too much candy. Trying to snack healthy for the writing, though. Got my pumpkin seeds and a bunch of oranges I bought to fight off cold germs. And I'm trying to avoid the stashes of sweets littered around the place.

The new NaNo participant icon horribly clashes with my color scheme. I'll have to do something about that.

In case it wasn't clear, the second stage of grief is, of course, anger. I think I actually went through bargaining first, as in "Just let my dog have a happy weekend, then she'll be ready to leave." But that's not exactly atypical. People experience some or all of the stages in any sort of order. The Kiebler-Ross model is a fascinating one but one that's frequently misunderstood. Mostly because it's been co-opted by pop culture as some kind of rigid structure for dealing with impending doom. A totem, of sorts, or a mantra to ward off sadness. Rather than the vague average of responses to personal loss. It doesn't necessarily have to be death. It could be divorce or a prison term or anything else that requires the mind to adapt to changing circumstances in order to right the mental ship. It doesn't even have to be a sad event since evidence suggest that something as simple as moving or altering your routine can also trigger a grief response.

Anyhow, I think I put in a good first day towards my novel. Didn't get as much done as I would have liked but I did set down a lot of important groundwork and with everything going on at the moment, I think I can be excused for stumbling out of the gates a bit. I still managed to get one scene done while making headway on a few others. That was enough to put me above 2k for the day which is above the daily word count, so I'm feeling alright. I'm about to head in and see if I can't write some more before I fall asleep here.

But, yeah, I'm really not feeling it at the moment. Just, it's hard because I'm trying to prepare for the wave of sadness which is no doubt going to hit me. But I'm trying to keep going on with my life at the same time. I'm up, I'm down, I'm all over the place and I have no idea what I'm doing. Which isn't that unusual for me, I guess, but still doesn't leave me very well equipped to do much of anything. Still, I've been waiting, planning for this month for so long that I can't stand not being part of it all. I'm hoping I'll get better, get stronger, as time wears on and the memory fades.