How to Piss a Wolverine Off

I know I kinda sorta promised that I wouldn’t talk more about the whole BCS thing. Because, well, it’s all said and done and all the whining in the world won’t change that and, truth be told, I’m really not all that into football – at least, not as much as some other people I know – but, well, that’s exactly why I’m about to break the vow I made for myself to let sleeping dogs lie. All the whining. Look, I went to the University of Michigan. I know what people are like there. It’s got its own culture and its own way of doing things. It’s not the biggest or best or even oldest university in the world but it’s been around in one way or another since 1817 (nearly 20 years before Michigan became a state) so there’s been plenty of time for a unique culture to develop. And, well, other people look at it and all the people who’ve passed through that fine institution and the sort of quiet confidence we carry ourselves with – just for having passed through an institution with so much history and so many other fine individuals (Again, not the most or the finest or anything like that but it’s not the amount that’s important so much as the fact it’s there.) who’ve made the school what it is – and consider us pretentious or snobs. And, truth be told, yeah, to other people we kind of are from time to time. But other schools have their own unique identity and culture and we don’t mean to take anything away from them, just to celebrate what makes us individuals in a sea of humanity – apart from everything else and a part of something greater at the same time. I mean, I know some real assholes who sat in class next to me (And I’m sure I know some people who think there was one sitting right next to them, too.) and maybe they’re the ones going out and giving us a bad name. But that’s a big thing about being a “Michigan man”, so to speak. It’s that Midwestern tradition filtered through all the circumstances that made Michigan, I’m sure, but we don’t try to make ourselves look like braying jackasses. Honestly.

That’s why, for example, while Florida’s coach was on TV dancing and capering for every last vote he could squeeze out of the voters, Coach Carr was quiet. Not because he didn’t have anything to say, not because he’s not an intelligent man – he certainly was smart enough to agonize over the choice – but because it’s just not the thing to do. It doesn’t have anything resembling an air of dignity about it to say nothing of quiet confidence. The key word there, Mr. Urban, being the first one. We, at Michigan, are trained to let our records speak for themselves. Good or ill we try not to beg the judges. I can’t say we’re always perfect at it because, well, we like to win every now and then and we get just as passionate about it as everyone else. We just keep things in perspective and maintain a public face. A face that some think is pretentious or snobbish but we think is just how smart, intelligent, responsible people carry themselves. We call that sort of person a “Michigan man”. Because – good or bad – they take responsibility for what they’ve done. And they abide by the results. The sort of theatrics that are going on are deeply disturbing to them (And I’ll leave it to others whether I’m to be included in their number. Because that’s the way the game should be played. All I can know is that I’m trying to be one, so to speak, in my own unique way.) even though you’ll be very hard pressed to hear them say it.

That’s because, above all else, they don’t mind the outcome as long as the game was fair (in football anyway). And it’s really not Mr. Urban and his fine program I’m upset with so much as I am with the system itself. He played his part and gave his team the best chance to win. Mr. Carr was being the foolish one by not playing that game and choosing instead to keep the dignity of himself and his school intact. Not playing to the hilt of the rules doesn’t give you the best chance to win, after all. But as someone who cares about Michigan I hope he and the others in charge there never realize that. Because it’s only a football game, after all. And I wouldn’t want to see our University’s President or their teachers or their football coach or any other representative of that place drag its name through the muck just to play a game on another day. We’ve been around for 189 years, we plan for the long term. So, no, what’s really got me hopping mad is the coach of Ohio State, Mr. Tressel.

You see, it’s come to my attention that in the final ballot for the final poll he didn’t cast a vote – which I’ll grant is his right – because he “didn’t want to influence the results.” One way or the other. Which is just absolutely amazing. Not so much that he did so as he’s someone I’d expect to be tapdancing like mad in front of the camera’s were he in Mr. Carr’s spot a few days ago. No, I’m amazed that there are people who’d laud his actions as anything but a poorly concealed dodge of his responsibilities as a voter. Abstention is a hallowed right of any voter, true. The ability not to vote is just as powerful as the ability to vote. But it’s not removing yourself from the process. It’s not saying you don’t care. Not if you’re doing it right. It’s saying that you cannot, in good conscious, take part in the system. Because either choice is one you cannot stomach, because the system is broken, because you just can’t make up your mind, but not because you want to be fair to both sides. It’s gaming the system to claim that the actions were done for anything but the most selfish and base of reasons. And there’s simply far too much gaming of the poorly made system we have governing college football.