Wolverines Blogging: The Game

As I mentioned the other day, I saw the majority of this game sitting in a sundrenched backyard, bloated with grilled meat, on a small black and white television set with the kind of reception normally reserved for high sunspot activity. So, if you're expecting a lot of in-depth analysis of the nuances that I and only I am able to draw from watching the game then, boy, are you in the wrong place.

Instead, I'm just going to gloat. My Wolverines crushed the Nittany Lions. I don't know why the outcome was even in doubt. Ann Arbor is where Penn State season go to die. They haven't won a game against the Wolverines since Lloyd Carr was a rookie coach. Back when JoPa was, like, only 85 years old instead of wherever in the triple digits he is now. I am completely serious when I say that Joe Paterno is an assumed name. What the people of Happy Valley see as a kindly old man is really a troll. No doubt disturbed by Penn State destroying its natural habitat when they were rebuilding or refurbishing a bridge. It devoured the real Joe Paterno years ago and now patrols the sidelines, hungry. A lust that can only be sated with the raw flesh of a billygoat. Check the line item budget for the sports department. You'll see.

But, wow. Henne was amazing. He's really cementing his Heisman case, if you ask me, as he threw for a handful of touchdowns and led his team to another victory in this perfect season. It was a rout, pure and simple, as Michigan beat down an overmatched Penn State team trying to slip into town in the spoiler's role. People have overlooked this team all year but although they came in unheralded they've had a strong season.

Anyhow, since it's become something of a tradition around here, in that tragic other dimension where the Wolverines dropped their first two games - being blown out by Oregon and suffering a heartbreaking last minute loss to Appalachian State (I know, something like that could never happen, would likely drive the average Michigan fan stark raving mad, but you have to remember if it was supposed to be believable they wouldn't call it fiction.) - before beating Notre Dame, not in the titanic struggle they held this year, but by outlasting them in a race to see who'd hit rock bottom first, they also played Penn State this weekend. And, actually, besides the record, things turned out pretty much the same. Michigan handing Penn State its ninth straight loss.

The game, though, was a close, pounding affair that the Wolverines barely eked out. 13-9.

The biggest change was under center. Where, in this alternate universe, the amazing Henne was sidelined with an injury. In his place was Ryan Mallet. In only his second start he showed just why he was a highly rated prospect showcasing a monster arm. He also showed just why he's a true freshman with some boneheaded decision making. There were some flashes there, though, and after some seasoning he could be the next great Michigan quarterback. The real story, though, was Leon Hart. He put the team on his back, again, and basically willed them to victory. Breaking the career rushing mark set by the A-Train along the way. Shame he never really hit it in the bigs after that stellar rookie season with Chicago, but Thomas was a damn fine runner and with the rest of the season to go, Hart looks primed to shatter the bar he set.

On the other side of the ball, Penn State didn't manage to score a touchdown against a defense that looked completely different from the beginning of the season. They are, for example, actually performing the difficult and highly technical maneuver known as a "tackle" now. And they positively hounded Penn State's senior quarterback.

Some are crediting this to, you know, manning up. But I'm not entirely sure. I think it's less due to the a revitalized defense than it is to a defense that's finally found its level. Penn State doesn't run the sort of spread option that so bedeviled these imaginary Wolverines in the first two games. They're a much more standard, much more traditional offense. One set up around a running game and a typical pocket passer. In other words, the sort of offense that Michigan is set up to do well against because it's what the Big Ten is built on. Penn State is the sort of team Michigan is designed to beat because that's what it takes to win their conference. Which has been the goal at UofM for years now. It's not about winning championships, not even about winning the Rose Bowl, it's just about getting there. Well, what happened this year was that the level of talent in the Big Ten was exposed. While Michigan might have had the horses to run with, compete against, those mobile quarterbacks and spread field offenses in the past, this year they were a step too slow and weren't able to make up for being more than a few steps unprepared. The Nitany Lions may have been one of the better teams in the Big Ten but, this year, that's not saying much. But, for now, that annoying reality is going to be overlooked while the Wolverines seem to get back on track. In this fictional world I'm weaving, it all comes crashing down the next time they face some real opposition - in their bowl game. Leaving everyone who's forgotten the lessons of the first few games wondering just what's gone wrong. Again.

And the answer is simple: The Wolverines aren't that good. And neither is the Big Ten.